My very next steps...

Hello clan! Thank you for coming back. I've been praying for you. Praying for everyone that happens upon this page, wherever and whoever you are.

I have shared many parts of my past and many of the steps that have led me to where I am today, and I want to share my next step with you! This is something I have prayerfully considered and researched for many years and suddenly, it's a week away! Let me back up...

I have always insisted that I wanted and had to lose weight naturally and all on my own. My approach is that I had gotten myself in the situation I was in, and I had to get myself out. This is a major reason why I had such stubbornness and difficulty turning to God for strength and peace. In working with my doctors regarding my PCOS and hypothyroidism I learned a lot about how hormones and insulin effect weight and my ability to lose it. Thankfully my A1C markers were always good, and I wasn't facing diabetes, but my insulin resistance (from my PCOS) was off the charts. My medical conditions also stirred up other hormones that were challenging my process and efforts.

In my last post I shared many of the strategies I have tried over the years to lose weight. My last resort was Ozempic. I say last resort because I was initially very reluctant to try injectable medicine. I really prefer natural remedies to chemicals whenever I can and giving myself a shot, really freaked me out! My doctor and I discussed these meds and all my options. I was running low on things to try at this point, and I was beginning to have other health issues arise. I had to get to a healthy place. I needed help. I tried Ozempic and Semaglutide but both gave me the worst heart burn of my life along with other symptoms, and I didn't see great results, so I pulled out of those. Next, I tried Mounjaro and this was magic honestly. It regulated my insulin spikes, and I truly didn't know I could feel this good. For the first time in my memory, I was not having constant cravings (from my insulin dips and spikes) and food noise in my head was completely silent! I couldn't believe it. Is this what it feels like to have steady insulin?? It was magic. Unfortunately, this prescription went from being $142 a month (for the first 3 months) to over a thousand a month and that was that! No more Mounjaro. This gave me a glimpse into the power of how my insulin effects my body and what it feels like to be regulated.

My doctor explained that I may want to consider surgery as an option. I quickly stiff armed that initially. Telling myself I could do this myself, without help. When I really took some time and considered it though, I had given it everything I had for years without response from my body. I had spent half of my twenties and almost all of my thirties fighting this, and I really didn't want to walk into my forties this way. I was beginning to have second-hand health issues and this scared me. I wanted to be here for my family. I wanted to be here for my son. I wanted to be a good example for him. My dad had bariatric surgery in 2000. I knew about the surgery and had watched him figure out how to use this tool for the last 24 years. I understood that it was not a magic pill and that I would still have to address the heart behind my eating, and I would really need God.

About 5 years ago, I tried to pursue getting the surgery. I met with the surgeon, I had all the tests, I did the psyche evaluation, all the things, and I was ready to go. The surgeon called and they were ready to get me on the calendar. I had support from my family. Here is the crazy thing, every time I thought of the surgery, I had a soft quiet "no" in my heart. What?!?! At first, I ignored it because it wasn't what I wanted to hear, but it was always there. I knew God was saying "no". But why??? Oh, I was angry and confused. I argued with Him and tried to explain to Him why I needed this. Still "no". This may sound strange, but even in the "no" I could feel His love and compassion for me. So, I decided to obey what I knew God was saying even though I REALLY didn't understand, and this REALLY is not what I wanted.

Fast forward to today and the next steps I mentioned. When I moved to Arkansas, I started working with a hormone specialist and after a year we discussed the surgery as an option. I really didn't know what to say because the last time I approached this; God closed that door. I started talking to Him and at first, I didn't hear anything. I was in a very different place than I was 5 years ago. Rebuilding my identity and discovering food was my idol are major shifts that happened, among other things. I started to feel peace around the idea of surgery and every door has opened since. God has provided an incredible system of support through my church. My family and friends are endlessly supportive and encouraging to me. So...I pursued getting surgery here. I have done all the things (psyche evaluation, blood tests, monitored diet, pulmonary and cardiac clearance tests, sleep analysis tests, nutrition classes, etc), and finally, here we are! My surgery is a WEEK FROM TODAY! Eek! I'm excited, I'm nervous, I'm praying. I will be getting the same procedure that my dad had 20 years ago. The Roux-en-y bypass. I chose this surgery partially because I am familiar with it from my dad, but also because of the research I did. My research showed that this procedure had the greatest success for patients with PCOS regarding insulin levels. My surgeon was so pleased that I wanted to go this route and confirmed my research about insulin.

I understand that this is a tool. If I don't use it properly it won't work. This is where turning to God will be critical. I need His help, His strength, His self-control. I've tried doing this on my own for almost 2 decades and I cannot. Doing the Journey program (outlined in my dad's book (A Phoenix Chronicle) has been helping me prioritize my steps. Dad and I have been talking about these concepts for many years and even though I know them, I have not been doing the steps consistently. To prepare for this surgery, I have to do an all-liquid diet for 2 weeks before surgery to shrink my liver. Oh Mylanta, this was maybe the most daunting part of all the preparation I have done. I had been planning to fit in some favorite foods right before surgery, as a fond farewell, and now that plan went out the window. I was going to give this my all though and that meant doing it right and following the program to the letter. I was preparing to be tormented by temptation and constantly craving things I can't have. Here is the super cool part, Philippians 4:7 says, "And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." God has been pouring His supernatural peace onto me. I can explain it no other way than Gods intervention because I know how I do things, and this is not it. There have been very little cravings or temptations. My mind and heart are quiet about food. I was able to make my family chicken tacos and not have any! I feel God with me in every step and I am overwhelmed with gratitude.

So, my next step is surgery! I feel confident and ready. I'll give you another illustration of God's love for us.... remember that "no" that he gave me about surgery 5 years ago? How I didn't understand and I was angry and confused? I now fully believe and understand that God was preparing me for a different time. I don't believe I would have been successful if I tried this 5 years ago. What He taught me, how He has grown my heart, the support He has provided far surpasses what I had 5 years ago. Before I was ready to do this on my own, by myself. Now I am ready to partner with God and surrender my actions daily as I do my best to glorify Him. 1 Corinthians 10:31 says "So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God." God is faithful and loves us so much, He prepared a way for me that was so much better than what I tried to do on my own and I am so thankful I trusted Him and obeyed. His preparation for me shows me how loved I am, and it gives me peace and confidence. This is just a glimpse of the Father He is for us.

You know what I'm excited about? I'm excited to see where God takes me when I listen, trust, and obey Him. When I don't hold myself back because I feel restricted by my health or body. Maybe I'll do a mission trip out of the country! Something I've always wanted to do but have always said no to because I have felt restricted physically. I'm excited to have an active lifestyle with my son and make a million memories hunting for rocks on the trails. I'm excited to travel with my husband (Iceland is first on my list - I can't wait to hike into a dormant volcano!). I'm not saying these things are not possible for people at any size but it was for me. I'm excited to be free of that and walk into a life God has always called me to. I'm ready to listen.